20 Things I Hate About Everything

Alright, peops. I’m still sick, and I’m sick of being sick. It’s making me cranky. No, actually, it’s making me pissy. And I don’t get pissy very often. I don’t even use the word pissy very often. But that’s what I am. Pissy.

I also don’t use the h-word very often. But since I’m feeling pissy today, I’m going to make a list of things that deserve the h-word. On a normal day, these are things that I “don’t care for” or that “aren’t up my alley.” Today, I hate them.

I hope you enjoy this little rant, because you’ll probably never see this much negativity from me again.

1. I hate being sick (duh). Not that anyone likes being sick, but I hate that it throws my life all out of whack. Having all that catching up to do after feeling like crap just isn’t fair.

2. I hate folding whites. I think it’s because there are so many of them, and there’s all that sock matching to do. I don’t care for laundry in general, but I save the h-word for the whites.

3. I hate being hot. It makes me pissy.

4. I hate child abuse, homelessness, war, slavery, racism, abject poverty, gender inequality, child labor, genocide, human trafficking, and every other atrocity people have managed to create or cause. These things always deserve the h-word.

5. I hate it when people complain about immigrants not speaking English. Give them a break. Many of them have escaped conditions that would put us privileged white folk in the fetal position asking for our mommies. And many of them work harder than you or I have ever had to work. Makes me want to say, “Go back to England if you want to only hear English!” This is America, where all are supposed to be welcome.

6. I hate it when people do nothing but complain about their miseries in their Facebook status. An occasional whine is expected, but people stop feeling sorry for you when you are consistently negative.

7. I hate the feel of wool against my skin. Or pretty much any animal fiber. I don’t know how people stand cashmere.

8. I hate sleeping in. I like sleep, but sleeping in always makes me feel behind for the rest of the day.

9. I hate all the menial daily tasks that life requires. Stuff like washing dishes, picking up, putting away laundry, grocery shopping, making sure the kids are bathed, etc. I know it’s pointless to hate these things, and I don’t always hate them. But I hate them today. With unbridled passion. See? Pissy.

10. I hate thrasher metal. I love music, and I appreciate a wide variety of it, but I heard some stuff recently that in no way fits anyone’s definition of music. I can’t fathom what must be going on in someone’s head to be able to listen to someone screaming at the top of their lungs non-stop and actually enjoy it.

11. I hate commercials. Hate them. Occasionally, there are some great ones (like the little kid in the Darth Vader costume). But generally, I hate them and mute them whenever possible.

12. I hate partisan politics. I see no real logic in it. It’s divisive by nature. It creates black-and-white, us-vs.-them thinking, and often keeps people from thinking at all. It also gives us only two truly viable choices for whom to vote, and that makes me pissy.

13. I hate ice cream and cake together. The ice cream makes the cake soggy and the cake makes the ice cream crumby. (Oddly, I love ice cream cakes, though. When the cake is frozen along with the ice cream, it’s OK.)

14. I hate trashy television. Jerry Springer, Jersey Shore, etc. I find nothing funny or entertaining about people behaving like the worst possible examples of being human.

15. I hate offending people. And I’m fairly certain I’ve offended a good percentage of you with at least one item on this list. Sorry. Blame the virus, not the virus-carrier.

16. I hate it when people are too easily offended. So there.

17. I hate making appointments.

18. I hate the telephone.

19. I hate it when you call a customer service hotline and they make you enter in your account number, birthdate, mother’s maiden name, favorite ice cream flavor, etc. with the keypad, only to ask you all the same questions once you get to talk to a real person.

20. I hate sneezing. I just did it. For me, it’s a very violent ordeal. I am not a dainty sneezer.

OK, I’m done. Still feeling pissy, but slightly less so. I may have even downgraded to cranky. When I feel better, I’ll make a list of things I love. I’m balanced like that.

Feel free to add to the h-word list. But no people hating. That just makes everybody cranky.

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