Things Good Mothers Do

Good mothers love their children.

Good mothers breastfeed—for six days, six weeks, six months, or six years—because they know it’s “best,” because it’s natural, because they have support, because it works, because they made it work, because it’s easier, because it’s really nobody’s business why.

Good mothers formula-feed—rarely, occasionally, or always—because they have to, because they want to, because they didn’t have support breastfeeding, because they had support but still couldn’t breastfeed, because it’s familiar, because it’s easier, because the flippin’ pump won’t do what it’s supposed to, because it’s really nobody’s business why.

Good mothers work outside the home because they have to, because they want to, because they want their kids to know that women can participate fully in the working world, because it’s the best choice for their families.

Good mothers stay home with their children because they have to, because they want to, because they want their kids to know that women can call motherhood a full-time job without shame or apology, because it’s the best choice for their families.

Good mothers feed their children organic food because they have the means, fish sticks because their kids will eat them, and whatever they can scrape together from the cupboards because they have no other option.

Good mothers grow organic gardens and have spotless houses. Good mothers grow piles of laundry and have black thumbs.

Good mothers bake cookies. Good mothers don’t bake cookies. Good mothers try to bake cookies and bake hockey pucks instead.

Good mothers never neglect their tooth fairy duties. Good mothers write creative apology letters from the tooth fairy after forgetting for the second (or seventh) time. Good mothers don’t do the tooth fairy at all.

Good mothers never yell at their children. Good mothers yell at their children and then apologize for losing their patience. Good mothers yell at their children and then don’t apologize because occasionally kids need to know they’ve crossed a line, dammit.

Good mothers know when they need a break and take one. Good mothers know when they need a break, but can’t always take one. Good mothers don’t always know when they need a break, and then beat themselves up for saying or doing things all good mothers do when they need a break and don’t get one.

Good mothers show up. Good mothers sometimes can’t show up. Good mothers try to make up for not showing up.

Good mothers take care of their children. Good mothers sometimes struggle to take care of their children. Good mothers ask for help. Good mothers sometimes don’t have help. Good mothers sometimes make heartbreaking choices because that’s the only way they can see to take care of their children.

Good mothers make mistakes. Good mothers support other mothers when they make mistakes. Good mothers forget to support other mothers when they make mistakes.

Good mothers forgive each other.

Good mothers care about each other.

Good mothers care about being a good mother.

Good mothers love their children.

It’s not so much what we do or don’t do, but the love and intention behind the things we do and don’t do that matters most. 

Most of us worry about being good mothers. Sometimes we need to be reminded that we already are. 

We also need to be reminded that moms who make mistakes or different choices than we do, or who are in different life circumstances than we are, are also good mothers. 

If you know a good mother, share this with her. Let her know good mothers come in all flavors, and tell her what is especially delicious about hers. 

You’ll make her day. 🙂

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