12 Things That Should Be Banished from the Earth

Goody, it’s rant time! Parents have enough annoyance in their lives. If I could eliminate these 12 things from the earth,  I’d do it in a heartbeat.

In no particular order:

1. Glitter

It doesn’t sweep. It doesn’t vacuum. It doesn’t even wash out of a washcloth fully. I hope you like a house that looks like a fairy puked on it, because that stuff’s never going away.

Bite me, Martha Stewart. Photo credit: m01229

2. The Fisher-Price Corn Popper

This incessantly loud and annoying toy has been plucking at parents’ nerve endings since 1957, yet it’s still going strong. I don’t get it. Who keeps buying this thing? I’m pretty sure the only people who purposefully purchase “The Popper” are grandparents looking for revenge.

3. Juice Boxes

Is it even possible to give a kid a juice box and not have them squirt it on themselves? Or you? Or the floor? All evidence points to “no.”

Photo credit: Stephen Depolo

 

4. Yogurt Squeezers

Ditto #3. And yet I keep giving them to my children anyway. In the car, no less. Something is seriously wrong with me.

5. “What Does the Fox Say” and “Let it Go” 

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAA! I CAN’T HEEEEEEAAAR YOU!!

 

6. Vacuum Packaging

Whatever happened to just putting an item in a box, huh? Or how about not wrapping it at all? Parenting is stressful enough without adding impossible-to-open-without-swear-words-and-a-Bowie-knife packaging to the mix.

7. Caillou

How this show is still on the air is baffling. Run far, far away, new parents! Change the channel, STAT! Unless you want to give your kids expert whining lessons, in which case go on ahead with a Caillou marathon.

GAH. I just want to flick that kid in his big bald forehead.

8. Bratz Dolls

If I need to explain this one, we might not have enough in common for you to be reading my blog. (Sorry. That’s the rant talking. I still love you.)

9. “I’m a Ditzy Girl” T-shirts 

Allergic to Algebra,” “My Favorite Subject is Shopping!” etc. etc. Ha ha ha, I’m such an airhead! Isn’t that adorable? Is this really the message we want plastered across our girls’ bodies?

On a related note . . .

10. Pants with Words on the Butt

Unless the words actually say, “HEY, LOOK AT MY BUTT!” At least then they’d be honest about the purpose of printing words across your derriere. I really don’t want to think about someone’s butt being “Juicy.” Call me crazy.

11. Abercrombie & Fitch Ads

Since this is a light rant, I’ll gloss over the thongs-for-7-year-olds thing and the we-don’t-want-fat-people-in-our-store thing and focus solely on the ads.

This is a company that exclusively sells clothing, yet all of their ads are of naked people. Yes I know, sex sells. But IT’S A CLOTHING COMPANY. It’s the logical equivalent of a furniture company using photos of empty rooms to sell sofas.

Seriously, I’m as offended by the illogic as I am by the naked people.

12. Designer-brand Diaper Bags

This bag is made to hold dirty diapers, spit-uppy clothing, and leaky bottles. But yes, by all means, let’s slap a $1300 Prada label on it and make it a status symbol.

$1300 could buy you 30 Carters diaper bags at Target. Cute, classy ones that don’t scream “diaper bag!” Even if the quality of the Prada one is better, IT’S CERTAINLY NOT 30 TIMES BETTER.

I actually like the Carters bag better.

Don’t mess with me and my $1000 handbag rants. This is a mountain I’m totally willing to die on. I might just write a whole post about it. That sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

What tops your parenting annoyance list?

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Annie writes about life, motherhood, world issues, beautiful places, and anything else that tickles her brain. On good days, she enjoys juggling life with her husband and homeschooling her children. On bad days, she binges on chocolate chips and dreams of traveling the world alone.

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