10 Rules for Talking to Mommy Before Her Morning Coffee

1. Don’t talk to Mommy before her coffee.

2. Talking to Mommy before coffee is not allowed.

3. No talkie. I’m serious.

4. Opening your mouth and letting sound come out in Mommy’s direction is forbidden.

5. Attempting to ask Mommy a question other than “Can I get you more coffee?” is futile and foolish.

6. Attempting to tell Mommy anything other than “I think my room is on fire” will be done at your peril.

7. If you are tempted to say something completely adorable and scrapbook-worthy to Mommy, wait until Mommy can see the bottom of her cup.

8. Claptrap sealed.

9. Cakehole shut.

10. Do not take Mommy’s inability to lovingly respond to you before coffee personally. Pre-coffee, your voice sounds like a pterodactyl attacking a cat while running its claws along a chalkboard. Post-coffee, angels and harps. Let Mommy get to to angels and harps, please. It’s for your own good.

As the cup gets empty, the love gets released. That’s how it works. Don’t mess with the system.

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Annie Reneau

Annie writes about life, motherhood, world issues, beautiful places, and anything else that tickles her brain. On good days, she enjoys juggling life with her husband and homeschooling her children. On bad days, she binges on chocolate chips and dreams of traveling the world alone.