Guns Are Not the Problem—Americans Are Just Extra Evil, Crazy, and Stupid

A gun is an inanimate object. It can’t do anything on its own. Like any other tool, the person using it determines its use.

Therefore—obviously—guns are not to blame for America’s 33,000 firearm deaths per year. Guns aren’t the reason that Americans are ten times more likely to be killed by guns than citizens of other developed nations. Guns aren’t why our gun-related murder rate is 25 times higher and our gun suicide rate is eight times higher than 22 other high-income nations. [1]

I mean, a gun can’t shoot itself, so why blame guns for those statistics?

The fact that the U.S. accounts for 90 percent of all women, 91 percent of all children under 14, and 92 percent of people between ages 15 and 25 killed by guns among high-income nations[2] has absolutely nothing to do with our guns. Many of those other countries have guns, too, but guns don’t kill people. People kill people.

The fact that we have enough guns in our country to arm every American citizen has no bearing on our gun violence rates. Neither does the fact that we have loose gun regulations in comparison to other developed nations. When gun violence occurs, it’s the person holding the gun that’s to blame, not the gun itself.

In fact, the more guns the better, because even though statistics say that more guns equals more gun violence,[3] we all know that the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

It’s not a gun problem, it’s a heart problem, people. Evil doesn’t follow laws. Evil will always find a way. Stop letting politics blind you to reality.

Evil—not guns—is to blame for America’s gun violence problem. Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that Americans are more evil than people in other nations. And not just by a little bit. Our evil is so ubiquitous that no developed nation has anywhere near our gun death rates. And if you take away official armed conflict casualties (which seems fair, since we don’t have any official armed conflict happening on our soil), America’s gun death rate is also higher than Sudan, Iran, Syria, Turkey, Lebanon, the West Bank, Gaza, and Jordan. [4]

Obviously, we have a population possessed by evil spirits or demons or something. Satan seems to have a heck of a foothold here, eh?

Then again, maybe it’s more about mental health than actual evil. Still definitely not about guns, though. Our easy access to weapons that have the capacity to kill two dozen people in not even as many seconds has absolutely nothing to do with mass shootings. Americans are just way, way, way more likely than people in other countries to have a screw loose. We clearly have some kind of inherent tendency to go off the deep end and commit heinous acts of violence with semi-automatic firearms. I mean, it’s not our fault, it just must be the way Americans are hard-wired, since it’s obviously not about how our country approaches gun use.

Of course, not all gun deaths are due to people wishing harm upon others. A large percentage of gun deaths are suicides—clearly a mental health issue, which has nothing whatsoever to do with the immediacy and almost guaranteed success of using a firearm to commit suicide.

Some gun deaths are accidental, too. But the fact that our accidental gun death rate is sky high compared to other developed nations doesn’t mean it’s a problem with guns or laws. Guns aren’t accidentally shooting people all by themselves, folks! That’s a brain problem, not a gun problem. Americans are obviously just dumber than people in other countries, woefully unable to figure out how to not accidentally shoot themselves or how to keep their guns out of the hands of toddlers.

So, you see, it’s crystal clear that guns aren’t the issue. The United States just has a far more evil, crazy, and stupid population than other countries do. It’s the only reasonable explanation.

Don’t let that fool you, though. We are still—somehow, don’t ask me how—the Greatest Country on Earth. So if you don’t like it here, you can always go move to one of those semi-socialist European countries where healthcare is universal, guns are highly regulated, and parents don’t have to remind their kids to pay close attention during active shooter drills when they send them off to school.

I’ll be sitting proud here in the good ol’ U.S. of A., reminding my kids that guns don’t kill people, people kill people.

Most of the time with guns.

But only every other week or so.

My thoughts and prayers are with them. Of course.







(For more on guns and America, head over to my article about how state laws appear to show that gun legislation works to curb gun death rates:

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Annie writes about motherhood and other hilariously beautiful things. On good days, she enjoys juggling life with her husband and three children. On bad days, she binges on chocolate chips and dreams of traveling the world alone.

Comments 3

  1. Angelika Sabine

    Less guns laying around, means less people can use them to do evil or stupid things. Less children can find them and accidentally kill others or themselves, the less all others accidentally kill others or themselves. Also, it isn’t just accidental shootings and evil killings. It is also, when a gun is around suicides become much more likely and lethal. Gun control has proven to work around the world. Only in America, where the NRA controls the government gun control doesn’t work.

  2. John

    Has any considered that for the last 2 generations we have lost control of our children. I was raised with guns and as have my children. But neither I orm children ere allowed to back talk me or their teachers.

  3. Peter

    I know you mean this as satire, but it’s quite possible, looking at US recent history (20th century), and US current actions, that The US people and nation ARE more evil by far.

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