Clear Knee Mom Jeans

Uh, Nordstrom? We Need To Have a Talk About Poor Choices

Hey Nordstrom,

I have to admit, I’ve not always been a big fan of yours. I find you ridiculously overpriced and a little full of yourself. You do smell pretty, I’ll give you that. And those Frango mints are nothing to sneeze at. (Wait, is that you or some other schmancy department store?) But overall, I don’t give you a whole lot of my time or attention.

However, you’ve pushed things too far this time. I was *this* close to staging an intervention when you put out that baffling pill bottle line of clothing, but I let it pass. But now that you’ve got the word “Mom” in the title of perhaps the most hideous pair of pants ever created, I feel like you’re basically knocking on my door for help.

Clear Knee Mom Jeans

This? This should never have happened, Nordstrom. “Clear Knee Mom Jeans“? Nu-uh. No way.

I have so many questions about this fresh hell, I don’t even know where to start. First of all, why? Secondly, whose idea was this? Who agreed that it sounded like a winning concept? Was it a joke? Why are they just cut off at the bottom like I took my Fiskars to them in a fit of rage? Why would anyone want to see anyone else’s knees exclusively? Why the acid wash and high waist? Shouldn’t that have died in the late 80s? Wouldn’t the plastic melt in the dryer? Or is this hideousness dry clean only?

Everything about these pants is just so, so wrong. I don’t see how there could be any question about this.

It looks like something my eight-year-old son would invent when he’s bored and hungry and hasn’t had enough sleep. This is a delirious kid’s brainchild, that’s what this is.

And $95.00? Are you freaking serious? You could offer me $95.00 to wear these, and I’d probably refuse. Makes my knees sweat just to think about it.

Maybe you know something the rest of us don’t. Maybe this is the final proof that we’re living in the upside down. Maybe this is a secretly coded message. These pants are a sign of impending doom, aren’t they Nordstrom?? It’s the only plausible explanation.

DO YOU HEAR THAT, EVERYONE?! THE END IS NIGH! SAVE YOURSELVES!

Thanks for the warning, Nordstrom. I take back what I said about you being full of yourself.

Still hate these pants, though.

Screenshot 2017-03-13 14.19.10

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Annie writes about motherhood and other hilariously beautiful things. On good days, she enjoys juggling life with her husband and three children. On bad days, she binges on chocolate chips and dreams of traveling the world alone.

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